Rejection notes – no.27 in a series

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Edoardo,

Thank you again for giving us the chance to consider “Riding the Line.” We’re sorry to say that it’s not quite what we’re looking for right now, but we hope you find a good home for it soon.

If you’d like to submit more of your work to us, please try again in the Fall, when we’ll be reading for our Winter issue.

Author bios: the author’s bane

One of the banes of an author’s life is being expected to provide a third-person biography for outlets ranging from webzines and blogs through to publishers and newspapers. It’s hard enough writing about oneself, but an author bio is expected to combine witty self-deprecation with enough carefully judged self-aggrandisement that the reader will immediately rush off to your website/Facebook page/Twitter account/Amazon page and, at least, scan through your books and features.

I wrote my standard, mid-length, author bio a while ago, before my last couple of books were published, but now Harriet (wife and critic-in-chief) tells me that it no longer properly reflects, in tone and content, what I do. I, on the other hand, point to a recent comment on a blog: That has to be one of the best author bios ever!

So I would like to throw this open to the collective wisdom of my readers. Here is my current author bio. Should I keep it or should I change it?

Edoardo Albert is, on paper, an exotic creature: Italian, Sinhala and Tamil by birth, he grew up in London among the children of immigrants (it was only when he went to university that he got to know any English people). His proudest writing achievement was reducing a reader to helpless, hysterical laughter. Unfortunately, it was a lonely-hearts ad. Edwin: High King of Britain, his first novel, has just been published by Lion Fiction; at the moment, he’s writing volumes two and three of The Northumbrian Thrones trilogy, a biography of Alfred the Great with osteoarchaeologist Dr Katie Tucker and a spiritual history of London. He is quite busy. Edoardo is online at www.edoardoalbert.com, and on Facebook and Twitter, @EdoardoAlbert, too.

St George of Barcelona

I first wrote this for the Time Out Barcelona Guide.

St George by Raphael
St George by Raphael

What do William Shakespeare, Miguel de Cervantes and St George have in common? They all died on 23 April, with the master dramaturge and literary don arranging well-nigh simultaneous exits in 1616. Of course, we’re slightly less certain about the exact date of St George’s death – the more sceptical among historians doubting the fact of his birth let alone the time of his passing – but that has not stopped the enterprising Catalans from amalgamating the feast of their patron saint with the celebrations of the two literary lions. La Diada de Sant Jordi (St George’s day) had been associated since medieval times with lovers, the paramours giving gifts of roses, but in the 1920s the writer Vicent Clavel Andrés proposed marking the birth of Cervantes as a book day. A little tweaking saw the date changed to the more universal 23 April in 1930 and since then the Dia del Libre has gone from strength to strength, with Unesco declaring, in 1995, that 23 April should be World Book and Copyright Day.

Icon of St George
Icon of St George

Thus this most adaptable and travelled of saints makes his way into the 21st century world of supra-national organisations and officially endorsed culture. George has come a long way from the little town in Cappadocia where he was, possibly, born. Of course, there is no historical source for where he came from, nor for the idea that he was a Roman soldier, and not even that he was martyred. But then, there aren’t that many historical sources at all for obscure 3rd century soldiers. What we do have, however, are traces of a man whose mark in history has been all but obscured by the accumulation of later legends. His cult spread rapidly through the eastern Roman empire and by 494 he was cautiously canonised by Pope Gelasius I as one of those ‘whose names are justly reverenced among men, but whose acts are known only to God’.

Nature abhors a vacuum and the religious mind dislikes a blank canvas, so the story of St George soon began to be filled in. The oldest traditions state that he was a soldier who refused to abjure his religion despite the orders of the Emperor Diocletian, who launched the last great persecution of Christians in 303, and was beheaded on 23 April. George’s sufferings soon underwent inflation, taking in poison drinks, being cut into pieces, molten lead and being sawn into two. If some of these sufferings sound a trifle, well, terminal, don’t worry since George was restored to life three times before finally expiring. Pope Gelasius, while accepting George’s sanctity, was somewhat more skeptical about his invulnerability and forbade the promulgation of these lurid legends.

The cult of St George really took off with the Crusades. Those knights that survived brought the Cappadocian home with them, and in the 13th century the best seller of the age, Jacobus de Voragine’s Golden Legend, featured a new twist to the tale: dragon killing. George became the emblem of the courtly, chivalric culture of medieval Europe, the ideal to be attempted by the rowdy, licentious but essentially pious nobility and a hero to the peasantry who took every advantage of clerically sanctioned days off. Since St George offered protection to those travelling by sea (as well as soldiers, farmers, horsemen, lepers and shepherds among others – he was a busy saint) port cities like Barcelona, Venice and Genoa adopted him as patron. The saint, who didn’t get where he got without results, reciprocated. According to Jaume I George helped the Catalans conquer the city of Mallorca, and the soldier saint played his part in a number of the battles of the long Reconquista, including the 1237 victory at Puig that opened the way for the recapture of the province of Valencia.

Despite a dip in popularity during the Enlightenment and the determined assaults of some recent scholars, St George’s recent move into the literary realm suggests that the old warhorse still has some legs in him. This is one old soldier who positively relishes new tricks.

Back from holiday

We’ve been away in the garden of England – Kent – for the last week, hence my blogging silence. Not that Kent is beyond the reach of the information superhighway, but I left my computer at home and my mobile – an ancient beast in itself – switched off; digital silence…

On Hythe beach
On Hythe beach

Kent was surprisingly lovely, and I’ll long remember the clattering roar of the waves on the pebble beaches at Hythe and Deal, so different from the sound of water on sand. And Dover Castle is magnificent – William may have been a Bastard (the other standard appellation for the Conqueror was ‘the Bastard’) but he certainly knew how to build castles.

While we were away, Edwin started on his blog tour and so far it is going well, with excellent reviews, giveaways and even an interview with me (containing the most interesting set of questions I’ve yet been posed).  Here’s Edwin’s schedule:

Edwin: High King of Britain Blog Tour Schedule

Monday, August 25
Review at Princess of Eboli
Review at 2 Book Lovers Reviews

Tuesday, August 26
Review at Just One More Chapter
Review & Giveaway at Unshelfish

Wednesday, August 27
Interview & Giveaway at Dab of Darkness

Thursday, August 28
Review at Dab of Darkness

Monday, September 1
Review at Book Lovers Paradise
Review at Queen of All She Reads

Tuesday, September 2
Review at Flashlight Commentary

Wednesday, September 3
Review at The Writing Desk
Review at The Mad Reviewer

Friday, September 5
Spotlight & Giveaway at Passages to the Past

Monday, September 8
Review at A Book Geek
Review at Svetlana’s Reads and Views

Tuesday, September 9
Review at Book Nerd

Wednesday, September 10
Review & Giveaway at 100 Pages a Day – Stephanie’s Book Reviews
Interview & Giveaway at Thoughts in Progress

Friday, September 12
Review at A Bibliotaph’s Reviews

Monday, September 15
Review & Giveaway at Words and Peace

Tuesday, September 16
Review at Layered Pages

Thursday, September 18
Review & Giveaway at Beth’s Book Reviews

Friday, September 19
Review at Book Drunkard

 

Edwin On Tour

Edwin on tour
Edwin on tour

Edwin is going on tour! From 25 August to 19 September, Edwin: High King of Britain is touring some of the best book blogs around, being reviewed, interviewed and given away. So join him (and me) on the tour.

Here’s the complete schedule:

Edwin: High King of Britain Blog Tour Schedule

Monday, August 25
Review at Princess of Eboli
Review at 2 Book Lovers Reviews

Tuesday, August 26
Review at Just One More Chapter
Review & Giveaway at Unshelfish

Wednesday, August 27
Review at Dab of Darkness

Thursday, August 28
Interview & Giveaway at Dab of Darkness

Monday, September 1
Review at Book Lovers Paradise
Review at Queen of All She Reads

Tuesday, September 2
Review at Flashlight Commentary

Wednesday, September 3
Review at The Writing Desk
Review at The Mad Reviewer

Monday, September 8
Review at A Book Geek
Review at Svetlana’s Reads and Views

Tuesday, September 9
Review at Book Nerd

Wednesday, September 10
Review & Giveaway at 100 Pages a Day – Stephanie’s Book Reviews
Interview & Giveaway at Thoughts in Progress

Friday, September 12
Review at A Bibliotaph’s Reviews

Monday, September 15
Review & Giveaway at Words and Peace

Tuesday, September 16
Review at Layered Pages

Thursday, September 18
Review & Giveaway at Beth’s Book Reviews

Friday, September 19
Review at Book Drunkard

Rejection notes – no.26 in a series

Quite an interesting one here, with some comments on the story. Since another rejection is just as likely to make completely contrary points, I probably won’t change the tale as yet – it’s not been through the rounds yet!

Dear Edoardo Albert,

Thank you for letting us read The First King Of All The Earth. Unfortunately, it does not meet our needs at this time.

As far as fables go, this isn’t a bad one. I thought it might turn into a speculative Tower of Babel story, but I’m glad it didn’t. The writing itself was sparse but straightforward, the story came to a predictable but solid climax.

I’m not sure if there’s enough depth here, though. I enjoyed it, and it tried for some greater meaning with the comments about the king’s descendants, but in the end, everyone in the story got what they wanted, with little struggle. They instituted slavery, the king kept knowledge from the star…but nothing came of it.

Book review: David and Goliath by Malcolm Gladwell

David and Goliath by Malcolm Gladwell
David and Goliath by Malcolm Gladwell

There was something slightly unsatisfying about David & Goliath and I’m trying to work out what that was. I’ve read Gladwell’s other books and thoroughly enjoyed them; in this one, there is no falling off in his writing, which remains as engaging as ever, and his trademark mix of personal stories illuminating theories is still an excellent way of bringing research to life. I think, in the end, the big idea in this book, the U-curve of diminishing returns returns reached after a certain point is just not as interesting as the ideas explored in his previous books; in some ways, it appears to be a great deal of research to illustrate a principle of folk wisdom encapsulated rather precisely in the phrase ‘diminishing returns’. So, only three stars, but still well worth a read.

And thinking about this further, it’s encapsulated in the use Gladwell makes of the U-curve when examining the reactions of people to appalling events which fails. For example, two sets of parents are confronted with the murder of a child. One man embarks upon a crusade to enforce harsher punishments (the ‘three-strikes rule’). The other couple – devout Christians – manage, somehow, to forgive the man who sexually assaulted and then killed their daughter. The former sought revenge, the latter gave forgiveness. Such a radical response to injury requires more than being shoehorned into popular psychology, and indeed Gladwell made that response himself. Interviews suggest that, when confronted with such extraordinary forgiveness, Gladwell himself returned to the Christian faith of his upbringing. And really this is the only way to deal with suffering and grief – the Laffer curve is simply inadequate in the face of such a mystery.

Catalan Monsters

This article was first published in the Time Out Barcelona Guide.

What to do if little Johnny won’t go to sleep at bedtime? A glass of warm milk? A gentle lullaby? Or a blood-curdling horror story of child abduction and flesh-eating monsters? Catalan folklore is full of decidedly non-PC espantanens (‘child-frighteners’), designed to make kids behave and – as a side effect – turn them into gibbering emotional wrecks.

El Coco; Francisco Goya [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
El Coco; Francisco Goya [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
El Coco is one of the best known. With shaggy black hair and fluorescent eyes, El Coco preys on children who don’t go to bed when they’re told. Only leaving his hidey-hole in the dead of night, he lingers in the shadowy corners of children’s bedrooms and taunts them with a scary grunting noise, before grabbing them and carrying them home to eat raw. Sadly, it can be just as dangerous to go to sleep, at least when La Pesanta is around. In the form of a huge black dog with human hands, she jumps on to the chest of those who sleep on their backs; her great weight gives them terrible nightmares before suffocating them to death.

Warning of ‘stranger danger’ is L’Home del Sac (the ‘bag man’), a sinister old man dressed in old brown rags with shaggy hair and a giant sack on his back. Wandering the streets of Barcelona, he lures over any children he sees out alone with sweets and toys and then tosses them in his sack. Back in his castle, he boils down the children’s juicy flesh to produce a fine oil, which he uses to grease the train tracks.

Caçamentides
Caçamentides

Then there’s the Caçamentides (‘liar hunter’), a man as tall and wide as the towers of the cathedral and with fingers as sharp as claws, which he uses to snatch up children who tell lies. He knows who they are because when a lie comes out of a child’s mouth, it turns into an invisible bird that flies away after leaving a dark stain on their teeth. The birds fly to Caçamentides and tell him where the child is to be found. He barbecues his captives and eats them seven by seven.

Much feared by little girls who live in Bruç, Esparreguera and Piera is the Cardapeçois, a strange and bad-tempered old woman who’s obsessed with well-combed hair. She visits little girls with long, tangled locks and goes at them with thistle heads and, in especially bad cases, the sharp iron spikes used to card sheep wool. She combs until she’s pulled all the hair out, and the offender is left bleeding and bald.

Putting on the frighteners out in La Vall de Ribes de Freser is Jan de Gel, a boy made of ice, and so cold-hearted that children freeze just by looking at him. He throws the human popsicle on his back and carries it to his ice cave to make it into a hearty soup. Another winter sprite is La Tinyosa, who appears as a mass of foggy cloud, descending over any children lost in her territory of the Montserrat mountains and the plains of Vic, and carrying them away.

Welcome Daily Science Fiction Readers!

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Hello! If you’ve just come via the link from Daily Science Fiction (or even if you’ve turned up by chance), you’re most welcome. ‘Ghosts of Mars’ was my fifth story in Daily SF – if you’d like to read something else by me, here’s the page with links to my published stories (there’s 33 of them! For a long time, I was averaging one story published per decade. Although there might be a story in the 330-year-old writer kept alive by the slowness of his publication stream, thankfully it’s no longer autobiographical.)

Edwin: High King of Britain
Edwin: High King of Britain

I’ve also had seven books published (seven! I still find that hard to believe), with my latest, a biography of Alfred the Great, out in a couple of weeks. Here’s the link to my books page; I’m particularly pleased with Edwin: High King of Britain, the first in The Northumbrian Thrones trilogy that tells the story of the Dark Ages kingdom of Northumbria. No less a writer than Bernard Cornwell (yes, that Bernard Cornwell) called it ‘a splendid novel’, so if you like historical fiction you might want to take a look at it.

Finally, there’s lots more here on my blog, or you can follow me on Twitter @EdoardoAlbert or join me on Facebook. Thank you again for reading Ghosts of Mars’ and let me know what you thought of it – comments are welcome!

Acceptance notes – no.13 in a series

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Of course, nothing prompts a renewal of the rejection notes series more than an acceptance note, and here’s a good one! I’m delighted to have found a home for Knock, Knock – it’s one of my favourite stories and the journal that will be publishing it is excellent.

Dear Edoardo,

Thanks for sending this story, I really enjoyed reading it. We have just finalised our selection for Issue Seven however, and don’t have any more room. Would you be willing for us to hold onto this for Issue Eight (December 2014)?

If you prefer to submit elsewhere for a while, that’s OK just let me know, and I can leave this piece sitting here for a few months.

Alternatively, if you’re definitely happy to have it in Issue Eight, let me know and I’ll accept it now.

Either way is cool.

Reader, he said yes.